On the Relational Field, part I

I experience what I (and others) call a relational field as a sort of interconnecting fabric that – prior to and beneath any of the content of experience – connects all us at a very subtle, deep and intimate level.  This relational field seems to be synonymous with what we call fundamental consciousness in the Realization Process, and which RP exercises are designed to help us open to through our whole being.  And yet I think there is an important distinction to make.  I am referring to it here specifically as a relational field because there is a particularly enriching sense of intimacy and aliveness that comes when we consciously include our relationality when opening to fundamental consciousness.  Though fundamental consciousness is inherently a relational field – illuminating and connecting everything it pervades – we can habitually cut ourselves from its/our relationality, often as a protection.  In doing so, we limit both the depth of our attunement and our experience of relational intimacy.  We may attune to this spacious stillness pervading our body and all the objects in our environment, and not realize that we are not letting ourselves open fully to the other people around us.  That is, we are not letting ourselves open to fundamental consciousness pervading both us and other people.  We are not embracing our relationality. 

***Note: I use "fundamental consciousness" here to refer to what has countless names across the world's spiritual traditions (Presence, Self, Ground of being, Awareness, Pure Consciousness, Divine Consciousness, etc.). Fundamental consciousness is the term we use in the Realization Process, and I use it here for the sake of consistency.   

We all have our tolerance level for the depth of intimacy and openness that we allow ourselves to experience with other people.  We have natural and habitual ways of protecting ourselves in this regard.  Put simply, our earlier environments did not feel safe enough for us to remain open to others while staying open in our own being.  The implicit emotional truth (in the most general sense) that comes with this need to protect is often something like, “If I stay truly open to you (or you all) right now, I am going to experience something very uncomfortable that is just too much to let myself feel.”  If any of us decide to flesh this out for ourselves, the details of this early emotional truth can get very specific.  Ultimately, the presence of the others in our early environment suggested something other than complete safety, and we needed to either suppress or act out the overwhelming experiences of fear, anger and grief that were just too much for us to consciously feel and digest at the time.  Now, we live with these engrained, habitual ways of organizing ourselves (holding patterns that keep us either suppressing or acting out our experience) when in relational situations.  This is completely natural, and for a time was very necessary given the lack of safety/coherence in our early environments and our need to stay internally intact.      

Now, as adults, many of us find ourselves wanting more freedom and deeper connection in our relational lives. Once aware of the ways we contort ourselves to maintain or limit connection, we have the opportunity to un-learn these early adaptive patterns and re-learn what true safety and intimacy feel like in relationship.  This is where exploring within the relational field – opening to fundamental consciousness in a group space and consciously including the relational aspect of our experience – can be profoundly supportive and even healing.  The field provides a level of safety that feels unbreakable and is experienced as a dimension of consciousness that is deeper than words or gestures.  Someone could say to us with a kind smile and gentle voice, “what you have to share is welcome here….” and yet their energy could subtly be communicating something completely contrary, as I am sure we have all experienced (“I am feeling anxious right now and would rather you not share something that is going to make me feel uncomfortable and require me to come up with an adequate response”).  When we are with others and collectively attuned to this relational field, the field itself communicates safety and provides an experience of intimacy that we can rest into and feel nourished by.  

The safety and intimacy we can experience when immersed in this field can support the effortless, natural softening and unwinding of protective holding patterns.  These holding patterns keep us stuck in fixed patterns of relating and both limit our openness to others and the depth of our attunement to fundamental consciousness.  

Immersed in this field, we can find ourselves softening and opening in the presence of others in ways that we are not used to.  The group field – along with the embodied, steady, warm presence of others around us – communicates to us at a very deep level that it is safe to stay open here, and that connection with others does not require effort or words (or any of the other gymnastics we use to create and maintain connection).  The field seems to have a rather extraordinary reorganizing potential.  When we “get out of our own way” and allow this field itself to be what animates and moves us, we can notice our internal being (our tissues, musculoskeletal structure, energy currents, etc.) literally shifting naturally into alignment, usually very gradually.  It can feel like we are being moved by this field into a more aligned structure.  In other words, without applying any effort (in fact, requiring that we do not exert effort), this field is unwinding our holding patterns.  These unwindings are not necessarily permanent (I often shift back into habitual organization to some degree), but very important imprinting nonetheless.      

Most people I talk to openly about their relational lives say that most interactions for them are to some extent draining of energy.  Relating can be exhausting.  Experiencing human relationship within the relational field can help us to make a gradual yet radical shift in how we relate to others.  We can learn to our core that connection in/through this field can be primary.  If others we are with are available for it, we can prioritize this sort of connection.  This, to me, is perhaps the most beautiful recognition: that deep connection does not require effort… or the doing of anything at all.  We can experience connection as here already…. and then words and everything else can just be icing on the cake, adding flavor and nuance to the experience of connection but not reliant on it.  The more I have this experience with other people, the more inspired I get by it.  And though this interconnectedness is always, already here, it takes consciously experiencing it to actually learn at the level of lived experience that it is our reality.  We cannot simply know at the level of mind that we are “all always connected;” we need to experience that as a palpable truth… in our body… in the presence of others.      

Attuned to the relational field in a group space, we can then play with things like imagining / sensing the environment of our past (a primary one that did not feel safe) and then simultaneously sense the nourishing presence of the relational field.  We allow our being to notice the contrast.  This juxtaposition can facilitate a deep un-learning experience.  Rather than remaining hardwired to assume that the present environment will be like our past (and subconsciously feeling like we have to keep intact our protective patterns), we realize at a deep enough level that things are actually different now, and we do in fact have the inner-resource and support to stay open to others while open in ourselves.  

The field itself can also receive and hold our individual expression. Many times, held by this field in a group setting, I have shared something about my present moment experience, and without anyone saying anything in response or even offering a kind gesture, I have felt my expression received and held.  The simple presence of others coupled with the palpable intimacy of the relational field encourages individual expression to flow more freely and smoothly through us (similar to how we might find ourselves dancing more freely and fluidly simply because the environment we are in feels spacious and non-judgmental).  We do not need to offer a contracted, manipulated expression to make sure we are received in a certain way.  And just as remarkably, we do not need to contort ourselves in response to other’s expressions.  We can let their expression be held by the field and allow ourselves to stay open to them as they are.  This can be such a nourishing and healing experience.  Effortless relating.   

We can also notice that the field itself can support our attunement to fundamental consciousness.  When we waiver in our attention (as we inevitably do whether meditating on our own or with others), the group field can “catch us” in a sense. We can more quickly and easily come back into deep contact with ourselves and with fundamental consciousness because this palpable field is held by the others we are with.  We are supported by it moment to moment.             

So I can go on about this stuff, but I think I’ll pause there for now.  I can feel a “part II” on this topic coming in the near future.  

This is very fun for me to write.  As always, I take my musings lightly.  This all comes out of my personal experience.  I’d love to hear any reflections or feelings you noticed while reading, if you’d like to share.  Shoot me an email in response and I will certainly reply.